Comments on: Writer and Parent? Tips for Finding Your New Balance

By: Kristin Boldon

Kristin Boldon — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 03:55:15 +0000

I appreciate this no-nonsense approach. Having a kid is not romantic, and neither is getting writing done. Writing was way easier with one kid than two. One of the things that has helped me is swapping with other stay-at-home moms to get chunks of time.

The thing I think I’ve struggled most with is wanting that chunk, though, and not being good at stopping and starting, especially when my kids behavior deteriorates. I think valuing the big chunks of time, but getting good at the start/stop, is a good balance.

By: More of John Scalzi on Writing «

More of John Scalzi on Writing « — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 19:00:01 +0000

[...] given by author John Scalzi and how to be a better writer posted a few days ago, here are some more tips for budding writers who happen to also be [...]

By: John Walters

John Walters — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 16:41:44 +0000

I have five sons and my wife and I both work full time. The economic situation being what it is here in Greece we are also both looking for extra private teaching lessons to do in whatever “spare” time we have. Though she works in the morning and I work in the afternoon and evening, so much needs to be done in such a complex household that there are long stretches during which I cannot write a thing. This does not mean that my calling as a writer is in question but that my creative energy must be temporarily channeled into other concerns – for example, helping teenagers with their multifarious problems, school and medical emergencies, and so on. In the past I would read about other writers doing their thousand words a day or five hundred or even two hundred and I would schedule myself likewise, and sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn’t. Sometimes I would have only two or three hours a week free for literary pursuits, and then during those times too something would come up. I have had to come to the realization that parenting is a creative endeavor as well and, since I am responsible for a number of people’s lives and welfare, I have to be willing to forsake the writing temporarily to be sure I am doing the best job I can at it. However, when I am given a block of time I go full speed ahead. I am a teacher and so don’t work during the summer. Two summers ago I did my thousand to thousand and a half words a day and wrote a novel. This past summer I put a push on and turned out a number of stories. Now work has started and writing time has constricted again. To sum up, the main thing I want to say to all you other parents out there is, don’t feel condemned or less of a writer than anyone else because you can’t devote the time to writing that other people can. You are no less a writer because of the time you have to devote to the lives of others in your care. I have to look at it this way or I get no peace of mind.

By: Don’t chase …

Don’t chase … — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 15:42:30 +0000

[...] “Writing: Find time or don’t” , while the second at the SFWA website is about being a writer and a parent, giving tips on how to find balance. I remember when I was at Viable Paradise last year, my [...]

By: Mindy

Mindy — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 03:18:02 +0000

Great tips. I think I will have more time to write once both my children are in school. But not I get overwhelmed with trying to take care of everything. Oh how I miss writing.

By: Dave H

Dave H — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 16:21:11 +0000

Another point in favor of prioritizing jobs to fit the available time: you get the psychological boost of actually finishing something. When you’re three years into a one year project, frustration can mount. Schedule yourself an easy win now and then.

By: Catherine Shaffer

Catherine Shaffer — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 12:16:20 +0000

Excellent tips! I found that being flexibile about my process helped a lot, too. As a toddler, my son would only nap if I pushed him in the stroller, so I would grab a notebook and walk until he fell asleep, then I’d find a park bench, get out my notebook, and work. If I tried to take him home and take him out of the stroller and put him in his bed, the nap would be over. But by being willing to work somewhere else than my office, and in some other way, I could get stuff done.

By: Amy Lavender Harris

Amy Lavender Harris — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 09:10:43 +0000

Good advice, to which I’d add:

1. Very early mornings (or late at night, if you’re that sort of person) offer nearly unbroken stretches of time to write. Early mornings work especially well because you’re less likely to be worn down by the weight of the day just past.

2. At some point you have to make a choice about how much (or little) vacuuming, laundry, errands, etc. you can avoid or delay doing. For me it has been an unsurprisingly easy choice not to vacuum for months at a time.

3. It’s been my experience that writers write because they cannot help but do so. If you find yourself prioritizing other things, or struggling not so much to find the time to write but to force yourself to do so, you might want to reassess your literary ambitions.

4. Rather than working on only one one big thing (e.g., a novel) write a bunch of small things as well–essays, articles, blog posts–to keep your hand in the field. Good bits of writing almost always have a home somewhere, and they’re a good morale booster if you’re feeling isolated or caught up in kid-wrangling.

5. It’s well worth maintaining some sort of professional life: I’ve continued to teach and research part-time since my kid was born, and it’s contributed greatly to literary productivity.

6. The myth of ‘mommy-brain’ (or daddy-brain, as the case may be) has been fairly thoroughly debunked. If you’re having trouble focusing, either you’re not getting enough sleep or it’s time to cut down on the morning cocktails.

7. Supportive spouses deserve far more than gratitude. They are also owed time to pursue their own literary or intellectual interests.

[My forthcoming book, Imagining Toronto (Mansfield Press, fall 2010), was contracted a month before I became pregnant and written almost entirely while my now two year-old daughter slept.]

By: VK

VK — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 06:04:46 +0000

Ah, I remember the days of having only one child. I do look back on those days with a certain nostalgia now that I have four children…. where writing was concerned they were the walk in the park days. Not that I’d go back to having one.

Anyway, for absolutely mad parents who have many I would also suggest working after bedtime at night. It means skipping a relaxing evening of TV with your spouse, but the value of the quiet can’t be underestimated.

Also, I recommend learning to write during small increments of time. Don’t wait for large blocks of time because they may never appear. Don’t continually revise, but get in the habit of picking up where you left off. You can always edit/knit all the bits together later in the quiet time.

Also, I have used a dictaphone effectively- although I hear you can get an App for iSpeech on the iPhone these days that will record your dictation while you’re out and about (or playing) and translate it into a document later.

By: Eric

Eric — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 04:23:30 +0000

Due to some medical issues my son Liam needs round the clock care so the family keeps some odd hours to fit his 24 hour schedule. My most productive hours have become the midnight to 4am block. I tinker on the laptop in the dark next to Liam while he should be sleeping. First time in years that I’ve been able to block a decent amount of hours for writing and reading. If Liam decides he doesn’t feel like sleeping that night it’s a win-win for me because at least I get to spend some time playing with my son and even being a productive writer can’t beat that.

Still, I’m amazed at the output of great work you’ve been able to produce around all of the surprises that parenthood brings. Great piece and advice.