by William T. Vandemark
As we swing into gift-giving season, here’s a list of Top Ten Gifts for Fantasy or Science Fiction Writers.
10. A moleskine. Sometimes, inspiration can be found in the tools of a master. Purportedly, Oscar Wilde, Vincent Van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, and Bruce Chatwin used moleskines in one form or another.
9. Doctor Who Sonic Screwdriver. If you’ve a troublesome TARDIS or a lock that needs picked, give this a try. It’s unlikely to work, but at least you’ll have a pen to jot down any ideas for that episodic SF TV show you’ve always wanted to write.
8. Canned Unicorn Meat. Looking for hors d’oeuvres for the office party? Need to bring some seasonal cheer to the in-laws? How can you go wrong with wholesome unicorn? Now with more sparkles!
7. The Slanket. Do you long to be a Jedi Master? Perhaps an unassuming Jawa is more your style. If so, the Slanket may be for you. Buyer beware: there are imitations out there. Always check your Slanket’s midi-chlorian count before purchase.
6. Typewriter Key Jewelry. From rings, bracelets, pendants, and earrings—you name it—an abundance of Etsy Stores provides a wide sampling of styles and keys.
5. A Palantir. Who needs an iPhone when you have a palantir? This “seeing stone” is the original Wi-Fi multimedia device. It comes with built-in video conferencing and includes GPS and real time Facebook. See what your friends are up to, before they’re up to it. Currently out of stock at most retailers.
4. A Six Pack of Mana. Need a chaser after chowing down on unicorn? Have a bottle of Mana. Warning: This stuff is hyper-caffeinated; keep it out of the reach of children and the undead. Great for late night gaming or writing on deadline.
3. Typolade Chocolate. What does chocolate have to do with a fantasy or science fiction writer? Who cares? This is chocolate we’re talking about! Still, a personal touch is nice, so head to Typolade and order chunks of letterpress-grade chocolate with which to send messages of love.
2. The Alien Abduction Lamp. This is a limited edition steel lamp, with glowing aliens in the cockpit, a 3-stage UFO Control antenna, and genuine artificial grass. Includes levitating bovine!
And the number one gift idea for a fantasy or science fiction writer is…
1. A good book. Seriously, is there anything better?
Have a favorite writerly gift that’s not listed above? Please add it to the comments section.
Happy Holidays from SFWA!