Humor

I t’ot of writin dis in Minnysota bondspråk, but dat iss a dead langvich v’at hardly nobody knows no more, and half of dem is Norvegian. Also it ain’t got de necessary vocabulary, and neider do I. So ve’ll yust have to do vit American, v’at has vocabulary galore, and vich half de vorld knows. Meanvhile ve’ll start out vit a little serious humor.

Lutran Evangelical Airline

(My tanks to the unknown autor, and apologies for any alterations.) (Alterations. Didn’t tink I knew dat $4 vord, did you? I had no shoice. I can’t spell shain...shaind...shaindyes....Shanges! Dat’s de vord!)

So, here ve go:

VE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE: LUTRAN AIRLINE IS NOW OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA, AND DE U.P. OF MICHIGAN, PLUS VEEKLY FLIGHTS TO DE PACIFIC NORT VEST.

Guid mornin! I am Onkel Sven, your pilot iss Captain Olson, and yer flight attendants are Aunt Freda and Liddle Tös.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, de no-frills airline. You’re all in de same boat on Lutran Air, vhere flyin is an upliftin experience. Dere iss no 1st class on Lutran Air.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6 bring rolls; 7-15 bring a salad; 16-21 a main dish; and 22-30 a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in de rear of de aircraft. Everyvun iss responsible for hiss or her own baggage.

All fares are by free-vill offering, and de plane vill not land till de budget is met. Now, pay attention to Aunt Freda, who vill acvaint you vit de safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599. Freda...

Okay now, lissen up! I’m only gonta say dis vunce. In de event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonta be real surprised. Because ve fly around two t’ousan feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probly mean de second coming or someting of dat nature, and I vouldn’t bodder vit does liddle masks on de rubber tubes. You gonta have bigger tings to vorry about den dat! Yust stuff dem back in deir liddle holes. But probly dey fell out because of de turbulence, vhich, to be honest about it, ve’re gonta have qvite a bit of at two t’ousan feet, sort of like drivin across a plowed field. But after avhile you get used to it.

In de event of a vater landing, start sayin de Lord’s Prayer and hope you get to de part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive dose v’hat sin against us,” vhich some folks say “trespass against us,” vhich ain’t right, but vhat can you do?

De use of cell phones on de plane iss strängt förbjudens, not because dey may confuse de plane’s navigation system, vhich iss seat of de pants all de vay. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in de wazzoo. If God meant you to use a cell phone, he vould have put your mout’ on de side of your head.

Ve start lunch right about noon, buffet style vit de coffee pot up front. Den ve’ll have de hymn sing; hymnals are in de seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours vit’ you vhen you go, or I vill be real upset, and I am not kiddin!

Right now we’ll say de table prayer:

Come Lord Yesus be our guest and let dese gifts to us be blessed. Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Dulut, or somevhere close. Amen