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Posts Tagged ‘Dr. Grasshopper’

Guest Post: Exsanguinate! Exsanguinate!

Tuesday, August 9th, 2011

by Dr. Grasshopper

Dear Dr. Grasshopper,

How much blood can a character lose before they die?

Well, it kinda depends on the size of the character, to be honest. If a very large man loses a liter of blood, it’ll have a completely different effect than if a very small woman loses a liter. So the specific amount that a character can lose varies with the character. But I’ll try to give some general guidelines so you can figure it out for your character.

First of all, let’s figure out how much blood is actually in your character.

Blood is made of plasma, and blood cells, and all kinds of good stuff. (Remind me to write a post about blood composition.) Regardless, here’s a reasonable way to figure out how much blood your character is starting out with.
(more…)

How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: Tools for the Toolbox: Going Viral

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

“Tools for the Toolbox” is a series of posts that describe disease types and organ systems. Eventually I hope to include enough information that a writer might be able to do some creative mixing and matching to produce the symptoms they want to give a character. Because it’s really frustrating to throw darts in the dark and hope something lands near the bull’s-eye. Hope it helps!

I’ll start this discussion of viruses by saying that Virology is a field of study in and of itself. So there’s no way that this blog post is going to come even close to being comprehensive or even extensive. I’m doing highlights only, and I may post further information at a later date.

Viruses act in a huge variety of different ways. So instead of talking about individual viruses and what they do, let’s talk about HOW they do what they do.

Viruses don’t have much of a life. As a matter of fact, they aren’t really alive. They’re just tiny organic machines that exist to make copies of themselves. If that doesn’t get your sci-fi juices flowing by itself, check your pulse. Or your level of consciousness.

Let’s build a virus! (more…)

How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: How To Talk Doctor! Lesson 1

Monday, March 15th, 2010

by Dr. Grasshopper

Let’s warm up with the Amateur Transplants! (Warning: contains generally-frowned-upon four-letter words. Probably not safe for work, at least for those four seconds.)

Okay, class. Settle down now. Timmy, I saw that. Open your books to page “-itis”, and we’ll begin. (more…)

Table of contents for How To Kill Your Imaginary Friends

  1. How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: When Your Audience Might Know More Than You Do
  2. How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: Joss Whedon, I’m calling you out.
  3. How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: How To Talk Doctor! Lesson 1

How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: Superballs, Pockets, and Fun With Awesome Molecules

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

By Dr. Grasshopper

Dear Dr. Grasshopper,

I’m writing a military sci-fi novel, and I’ve run into a medical snag.

I know (or like to think) that there are certain toxins which can rob the blood’s ability to transport oxygen. Would you happen to know what the emergency treatment is for such a situation, or could you point me in the right direction?

Yeah, man!

You’ve basically described a classic case of carbon monoxide poisoning. Which was one of my favorite topics early in med school. (I even used it as a plot point in a novel I started writing. . . and then trunked because it had no plot.)

How does your blood carry oxygen? (more…)

How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: Joss Whedon, I’m calling you out.

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

by Dr. Grasshopper

***This post includes Dollhouse spoilers. You have been warned.***

I was watching the Dollhouse episode entitled “Hollow Men” (2×12) the other day. And there was this scene. You probably know the one I’m talking about. It involved lots of needles. It involved cerebrospinal fluid. And it involved absolutely indefensible pseudo-medical ridiculousness. It looked a little like this:

Now, at first it didn’t really occur to me to say anything about it. I just cringed in the way that I usually cringe at complete medical BS, and mentally started preparing my usual speech to any of my patients who might have seen the episode about how “television is absolutely nothing like reality, so please bear with me while I try to figure out whether you have meningitis or not.”

And then I saw this blog post:

“That’s why Boyd the Dollmaster lured her and company out to Rossum — to harvest her spinal fluid. And let me tell you, based on that spinal tap scene, I hope I never have to have that procedure in my life. Because, yeesh, it looked painful.”

And I thought, great, Joss Whedon…lumbar punctures the way they happen in reality aren’t scary enough? Now we have to make people think we’re going to lower them screaming onto a bed of giant horse needles? Seriously? My job isn’t hard enough? There’s not enough anti-doctor sentiment running around? (more…)

Table of contents for How To Kill Your Imaginary Friends

  1. How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: When Your Audience Might Know More Than You Do
  2. How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: Joss Whedon, I’m calling you out.
  3. How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: How To Talk Doctor! Lesson 1

How To Kill Your Imaginary Friends: Flatlines

Monday, February 8th, 2010

I’m happy to announce a new feature on the SFWA blog, “How to Kill Your Imaginary Friends: A writer’s guide to diseases and injuries, and how to use them effectively in fiction” written by the pseudonymous Dr. Grasshopper.  Dr. Grasshopper is finishing medical school student and is a science fiction and fantasy author.

We start this week with:

If you shock a flatline, I swear I will come to your home and beat you with a wet chicken.

by Dr. Grasshopper

Beep…… Beep…… Beep…… Beep…… Beep…… Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..………………Clear!………………… KA-CHUNK!!!!!!!…… Beep…… Beep…… Beep…… Beep…… Beep…………………

You know what this sounds like. You know exactly what this sounds like. You’ve heard it on practically every hospital TV show, every movie in which someone is rescued near death in a spaceship with a sickbay…over, and over, and over.

And it’s WRONG!!!

I’d like to take some time and explain why, how to not be THAT WRITER, and what you can do instead. (more…)